So you think you know the 1980s. But could you pass a full-blown exam on the subject? Take a look at the questions below and if more than half of them even make the slightest bit of sense to you, you may consider yourself a true aficionado of the decade that brought us break-dancing, Bermuda shorts and Bergerac. Ready? You may turn over your papers now… (And no, it’s not a proper quiz. Sorry).
1. You are sitting at home in front of the TV. Why don’t you…
a) Just switch off the TV set.
b) Go out.
c) And do something less boring instead?
2. Complete the phrase: “You can’t get quicker than…”
a) Maximum velocity.
b) The speed of light.
c) A Kwik-Fit fitter.
3. Philosophy. Consider the following…
a) How soon is now?
b) What is love anyway? Does anybody love anybody anyway?
c) Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?
4. You are driving home from work, listening to the radio when you hear the following announcement:
“Humidity’s rising. The barometer is getting low. According to our sources, the street is the place to go. Because tonight for the first time at just about half past ten. For the first time in history, it’s going to start raining men.”
With alarm, you see that it is nearly half ten now and you are still a good twenty minutes from home. What do you do?
a) Desperately hope that the multi-storey car park is still open so you can take shelter from the imminent aerial male adult human precipitation assault there.
b) Park in a lay-by and frantically attempt to hide underneath your own car.
c) Realise that you are, of course, listening to the popular 1982 hit, “It’s Raining Men” by The Weather Girls.
5. You purchase a bizarre but cute furry creature from a stereotypical Chinese antique shop, an unusual but ideal Christmas present for anyone. What must you remember not to do?
a) Don’t feed it after midnight.
b) Don’t let it get wet.
c) Don’t leave it home alone in the apartment over Christmas while you go on holiday, forcing it to defend itself from two clumsy burglars by devising an elaborate system of dangerous but amusing booby traps (I may be thinking of another film here).
6. It is a Saturday evening on a Bank Holiday in 1980 and you and your friend end up having a fierce disagreement in the pub over the name of an actor who was in a TV show you both watched as a child. What do you do?
a) Wait until the library opens on Tuesday and look it up in the appropriate reference book, if such a book even exists.
b) Find a new friend. You never liked him/her that much anyway.
c) Go home. Wait twenty years. Look it up on your phone.
7. If your mansion house needs haunting, call…
a) Some sort of medium and arrange a séance .
b) An expert on the paranormal.
8. Alternatively, if there’s something strange in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call?
a) The police.
b) The local branch of the Neighbourhood Watch.
9. Steven Seagal is…
a) An actor.
b) A leading Buddhist.
c) Hard To Kill.
10. Who recorded the song “True Blue?”
b) Diego Maradona.
c) The Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies, by Van Klump.
11. Michael Jackson’s Thriller may be described as…
a) A thriller.
b) A horror.
c) A song and music video.
12. You hear a novelty car horn. Do you…
a) Get off the road.
c) Go “Yeeee-haaaa!” like in The Dukes of Hazzard.
13. Finally, write a short essay on ONE of the following…
a) War is stupid. And people are stupid (Culture Club).
b) The history book on the shelf. It’s always repeating itself (ABBA – not actually from the 1980s).
c) Bum bum bum. Bum bum bum. Bum. Bum bum bum bum (The Frog Chorus).