TV review: Inside No.9 – Series Eight

This will apparently be the penultimate series of anthologies written by and (usually) starring the onetime League of Gentlemen, Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith. This is a shame as while it no longer regularly scales the brilliant heights of the likes of The 12 Days of Christine and The Riddle of the Sphinx in the early series, these clever one-off dramas, sometimes funny, usually dark and all linked by the number nine, are always watchable. Indeed, as in the case of the last two programmes featured here, they are sometimes still very good indeed.

The Bones of St Nicholas: Things begin strongly with this church-based Christmas special. Mystery abounds surrounding a certain Dr. Parkway’s (Pemberton) motivation for spending his Christmas Eve camping out in a supposedly haunted church. This suffers by comparison with the superb The Devil of Christmas Inside No 9 festive outing from 2016, but is nevertheless enjoyable. This seasonal outing of course, first aired in December 2022. The rest of the series was shown on BBC Two in April and May 2023.

Mother’s Ruin: Supernatural rituals, criminal violence and an apparent full-blown demonic possession all have a part to play in this darkly comic episode. Steve and Reece play two somewhat inept brothers whose attempts to reveal the secrets of their late mother’s legacy are thrown into disarray by the unexpected arrival of underworld figures, Reggie and Francis (played by Phil Daniels and Anita Dobson) and one parrot.

Paraskevidekatriaphobia: Just to be clear, the title refers to “fear of Friday 13th.” Gavin (Shearsmith) has it bad (he has his reasons) and decides to play it safe by phoning in sick and spending the day at home. But barely has his wife (Amanda Abbington) left the house than a bizarre combination of circumstances conspire to see the ultra-superstitious Gavin overwhelmed by a deluge of ladders, black cats, peacock feathers and other traditional bad luck symbols.

Love is a Stranger: The horrors of online dating are all too real for Vicky (the always excellent Claire Rushbrook). And worse: there’s a murderer on the loose. Amazingly, in 49 episodes, there has never actually been a bad Inside No 9 yet. Sadly, Love is a Stranger comes closer to securing this distinction than most. You’ll see the twist coming a mile off.

Three by Three: In an ingenious ruse, Steve and Reece went to the trouble of manufacturing publicity for an entirely bogus episode called Hold On Tight! Photos showed the duo dressed as two On The Buses style drivers and standing alongside ageing 1970s comedy icon, Robin Askwith. It was then claimed that the episode (which, of course, never existed) had been pulled at the last minute in favour of what appeared to be a mainstream quiz show entitled Three by Three, featuring three trios of competing contestants and hosted by the popular quick-witted comedian, Lee Mack. Of course, despite creating a plausible quiz show format, mostly realistic performances from actors playing the contestants, convincing humorous banter from Mack (currently host of ITV real-life TV quiz, The 1% Club) and uniquely the complete absence of Steve and Reece from the cast, this was actually still another instalment of Inside No 9 in disguise. Many viewers were apparently fooled, some even turning over or assuming something had gone wrong with their iPlayer. Those that remained were treated to something which for most of its running time really does appear to be a real life game show. But over time, a sense of unease grows as it becomes clear there is something very “off” about one set of contestants, the Oakwoods. What exactly is going on?

The Last Weekend: Joe and Chas (Steve and Reece) have been in a relationship foe nine years. With Joe seriously ill, the two snatch a quick holiday together. But will it be their last? An emotionally devastating episode and the best in this series. The dramatic shift in tone between the cheerful dance sequence which occurs half way through the programme and how things eventually turn out in the end is almost overwhelming.

A fairly good series then, although personally I can’t help but feel disappointed that we’ll never see the Hold on Tight! episode.

Cast: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith, Simon Callow, Phil Daniels, Anita Dobson, Amanda Abbington, Dermot O’Leary, Claire Rushbrook, Matthew Horne, Asim Chaudhry, Lee Mack.

Media manifesto

Ten great ideas to transform the world of TV, film and music…

1. A new series of 24 should be made in which Donald Sutherland plays Jack Bauer’s evil estranged father.
2. A new Bond film should be made in which an elderly Bond played by Sean Connery is called out of retirement for a final mission.
3. All theme tunes should include a version which includes the title amongst the lyrics in the manner of Anita Dobson’s Anyone Can Fall In Love (for EastEnders) if they do not already do so. Particularly: Star Wars, the 70s and 80s Superman films, Coronation Street and Last of the Summer Wine.
4. Why Do You Think You Are? A new documentary series which forces celebrities to justify their existence.
5. None of the Carry On films (with the possible exception of the first one Carry On Sergeant and the later Carry On Regardless) feature any characters saying the title of the film at any point. This is disappointing. Digital technology should be used to insert a character (perhaps Charles Hawtrey) saying the line at the end. This should occur even when Hawtrey is not actually in the film, regardless of whether the film is in colour or not or whether the film’s title makes grammatical sense (as with Carry On Follow That Camel or Carry On Again Doctor).
6. Some films and TV shows feature characters who have the same name as the actor playing them e.g. Jack Torrance (Nicholson) in The Shining, Rik (Mayall) in The Young Ones and Miranda (Hart). This should be made compulsory for one character in every production from now on as it will reduce time wasted by actors missing their cues.
7. The use of robot voices in songs, such as in ‘Something Good’ by the Utah Saints, once commonplace, have sadly become a rarity. All songs past and present should feature a robot voice at some point including instrumental classical pieces. Please sort this out.
8. Films in which samples of dialogue are used as the title are always rubbish and should be banned. Consider: Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead, Slap Her She’s French, Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot and the obscure Dustin Hoffman film Who Is Harry Kellerman and Why Is He Saying These Terrible Things About Me? An exception should be made for Bring Me The Head of Alfredo Garcia (and all Carry On films: see above).
9. Doctors In The House: New sitcom in which all the surviving ex-Doctor Whos plus K9 share a house in London. Tom Baker is the zany one and is constantly frustrated when the other characters interrupt his attempts to narrate each episode. David Tennant is the charming likeable one. Christopher Eccleston is the moody, artistic one. Colin Baker is the pompous one. His glasses are occasionally knocked out of line rather like Captain Mainwaring’s. An old Tardis is used as the house phone which forms a central part of the set as does a dartboard with a photo of Matt Smith’s face attached to it. In episode one, a family of Daleks move in next door.
10. Not A Penny Moore… New sitcom about the Moore family. Demi is the cougar of the household, desperately competing with her younger sister Mandy. Roger plays the elderly granddad, wheelchair-bound and always with his cat. Alan plays the moody bearded uncle who rarely leaves his room. The late Sir Patrick Moore plays the eccentric great uncle perpetually spying on his neighbours through his telescope in the attic who he suspects of being German. He is constantly bothered by young children looking for cheats for Zelda III.