Crabb Hopes To “Cure” Remain Voters

Defeated Tory leadership hopeful Stephen Crabb has expressed his belief that he can “cure” Remain voters of their pro-EU tendencies.

“Many Pro-Remain voters have been deeply unhappy since the Brexit result,” says the former Work and Pensions Secretary. “First, they swallowed all that Project Fear nonsense about the pound plummeting and there being political and social turmoil should the electorate vote to Leave. Now they just whinge constantly and post endless links about holding a second referendum on Facebook.”

Mr. Crabb who ran for the party leadership under the slogan, “Crouching tiger, hidden Crabb” also expressed his controversial view that far from being genetically predetermined, voting Remain was a clear lifestyle choice like reading The Observer or ordering a veggie box. He hopes that a cure treatment can be offered to Remainers: “The irony is that far from the stereotypical view of pro-Europeans being happy or gay people, many actually never stop moaning. So you lost your job? Well, you were always complaining about it anyway. Suck it up!”

Mr. Crabb also hopes the service may be extended to Conservative MPs to “cure” the 90% or so of members who chose to vote for candidates other than Mr. Stephen Crabb as leader.

 

Stephen-Crabb-AFP

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