We’re the Tories; hear us sing!
Blame Labour for everything.
The last thing we’d do is confess,
That we’re to blame for the current mess!
Ten years ago, our chief complaint,
Was that the markets were under too much constraint,
Under us, they’d have been much stronger,
The slump much harsher and much longer.
Never mind that there was a crash everywhere,
It’s better for us to blame Brown and Blair.
Our public services are now a mess,
We’re iffy about the NHS,
Shall we “reorganise” it again? Well, we may,
But we won’t say a thing about that before May,
The press is safe from real reform,
While Rupert’s Sun keeps us all warm,
“Vote Tory” stories every day and
Silly pictures of Ed Miliband.
Frankly, we’ll do what it takes to win,
Even if we have to invite UKIP in,
We’ll attack the scroungers, play the race card,
Kick the weakest good and hard,
Our leader Cameron’s liberal underneath,
A bit like Major or Ted Heath,
But like them he’s weak, you’ll see what we mean,
He’ll even sacrifice the European dream.
So if you don’t care about the national health,
Care only really about yourself.
We really are the party for you!
(Though we’ve not won since 1992).
Don’t get us wrong: we love the UK,
We just wish all the people would go away.